“ To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other. ”
- Jack Handy- Copy
- 3.8K
“ To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other. ”
- Jack Handy- Copy
- 1.5K
“ To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other. ”
- Jack Handy- Copy
- 1.2K
“ Marta says the interesting thing about fly-fishing is that it's two lives connected by a thin strand. Come on, Marta. Grow up. ”
- Jack Handy- Copy
- 296
“ I think college administrators should encourage students to urinate on walls and bushes, because then when students from another college come sniffing around, they'll know this is someone else's territory. ”
- Jack Handy- Copy
- 1.4K
“ To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other. ”
- Jack Handy- Copy
- 1.3K
“ Broken promises don't upset me. I just think, why did they believe me? ”
- Jack Handy- Copy
- 2.5K
“ I think a good gift for the President would be a chocolate revolver. and since he is so busy, you'd probably have to run up to him real quick and give it to him. ”
- Jack Handy- Copy
- 3.1K
“ Too bad Lassie didn't know how to ice skate, because then if she was in Holland on vacation in winter and someone said "Lassie, go skate for help," she could do it. ”
- Jack Handy- Copy
- 1.1K
“ I bet one legend that keeps recurring throughout history, in every culture, is the story of Popeye. ”
- Jack Handy- Copy
- 2.8K
“ I think there should be something in science called the "reindeer effect." I don't know what it would be, but I think it'd be good to hear someone say, "Gentlemen, what we have here is a terrifying example of the reindeer effect.". ”
- Jack Handy- Copy
- 2.9K
“ I think a good gift for the President would be a chocolate revolver. and since he is so busy, you'd probably have to run up to him real quick and give it to him. ”
- Jack Handy- Copy
- 3.8K
“ There's nothing so tragic as seeing a family pulled apart by something as simple as a pack of wolves. ”
- Jack Handy- Copy
- 2K
“ I bet one legend that keeps recurring throughout history, in every culture, is the story of Popeye. ”
- Jack Handy- Copy
- 3.5K
“ I think a good product would be Baby Duck Hat. It's a fake baby duck, which you strap on top of your head. Then you go swimming underwater until you find a mommy duck and her babies, and you join them. Then all of the sudden, you stand up out of the water and roar like Godzilla… ”
- Jack Handy- Copy
- 3.2K
“ Many people think that history is a dull subject. Dull? Is it "dull" that Jesse James once got bitten on the forehead by an ant, and at first it didn't seem like anything, but then the bite got worse and worse, so he went to a doctor in town, and the secretary told him to wait, so he sat down and waited, and waited, and waited, and waited, and then finally he got to see the doctor, and the doctor put some salve on it? You call that dull? ”
- Jack Handy- Copy
- 1.1K
“ I think there should be something in science called the "reindeer effect." I don't know what it would be, but I think it'd be good to hear someone say, "Gentlemen, what we have here is a terrifying example of the reindeer effect.". ”
- Jack Handy- Copy
- 3.6K
“ I think someone should have had the decency to tell me the luncheon was free. To make someone run out with potato salad in his hand, pretending he's throwing up, is not what I call hospitality. ”
- Jack Handy- Copy
- 3.3K
“ I think there should be something in science called the "reindeer effect." I don't know what it would be, but I think it'd be good to hear someone say, "Gentlemen, what we have here is a terrifying example of the reindeer effect.". ”
- Jack Handy- Copy
- 1.4K
“ There's nothing so tragic as seeing a family pulled apart by something as simple as a pack of wolves. ”
- Jack Handy- Copy
- 2.8K
“ I think someone should have had the decency to tell me the luncheon was free. To make someone run out with potato salad in his hand, pretending he's throwing up, is not what I call hospitality. ”
- Jack Handy- Copy
- 3.3K
“ To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other. ”
- Jack Handy- Copy
- 3.6K
“ I think someone should have had the decency to tell me the luncheon was free. To make someone run out with potato salad in his hand, pretending he's throwing up, is not what I call hospitality. ”
- Jack Handy- Copy
- 123
“ I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it. ”
- Jack Handy- Copy
- 2.7K
“ I think college administrators should encourage students to urinate on walls and bushes, because then when students from another college come sniffing around, they'll know this is someone else's territory. ”
- Jack Handy- Copy
- 341
“ Marta says the interesting thing about fly-fishing is that it's two lives connected by a thin strand. Come on, Marta. Grow up. ”
- Jack Handy- Copy
- 2.8K
“ Broken promises don't upset me. I just think, why did they believe me? ”
- Jack Handy- Copy
- 465
“ Too bad Lassie didn't know how to ice skate, because then if she was in Holland on vacation in winter and someone said "Lassie, go skate for help," she could do it. ”
- Jack Handy- Copy
- 836
“ I bet one legend that keeps recurring throughout history, in every culture, is the story of Popeye. ”
- Jack Handy- Copy
- 2.7K
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