“ Sometimes I wish I had a terrible childhood, so that at least I’d have an excuse. ”
- Jimmy Fallon- Copy
- 637
“ Sometimes I wish I had a terrible childhood, so that at least I’d have an excuse. ”
- Jimmy Fallon- Copy
- 3.5K
“ I read one chapter of a book and put it down. Thank God for Kindle. ”
- Jimmy Fallon- Copy
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“ I sing in the car if I'm in LA, because you're like soundproofed. ”
- Jimmy Fallon- Copy
- 3.3K
“ A Pennsylvania woman convicted for shoplifting was sentenced to wear a badge that reads Convicted Shoplifter. However, her lawyers hope to plea bargain down to a bumper sticker reading I'd Rather Be Stealing! ”
- Jimmy Fallon- Copy
- 1.8K
“ Don't Keep reaching for the stars because you'll just look like an idiot stretching that way for no reason. ”
- Jimmy Fallon- Copy
- 3.8K
“ I know what you want. And I know what you need. But I'm gonna screw it up, yeah, cause I'm an idiot. And I'm your boyfriend. ”
- Jimmy Fallon- Copy
- 3.3K
“ A Pennsylvania woman convicted for shoplifting was sentenced to wear a badge that reads Convicted Shoplifter. However, her lawyers hope to plea bargain down to a bumper sticker reading I'd Rather Be Stealing! ”
- Jimmy Fallon- Copy
- 3.3K
“ The Pentagon banned the army from using Chinese-made berets. In a more veiled slap at the Chinese, the Pentagon also banned any alternative form of checkers. ”
- Jimmy Fallon- Copy
- 2.7K
“ A Pennsylvania woman convicted for shoplifting was sentenced to wear a badge that reads Convicted Shoplifter. However, her lawyers hope to plea bargain down to a bumper sticker reading I'd Rather Be Stealing! ”
- Jimmy Fallon- Copy
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“ Researches at Yale found a connection between brain cancer and work environment. The No. 1 most dangerous job for developing brain cancer? Plutonium hat model. ”
- Jimmy Fallon- Copy
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“ Hey baby, do you like fine cooking? Cause you know what? I got Swanson's Dinner in the freezer with your name on it.". ”
- Jimmy Fallon- Copy
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“ Hey baby, do you like fine cooking? Cause you know what? I got Swanson's Dinner in the freezer with your name on it.". ”
- Jimmy Fallon- Copy
- 3.1K
“ John Walker Lindh, a twenty-year-old American studying in Pakistan, was captured in Northern Afghanistan fighting for the Taliban. Experts call it the worst semester abroad program ever. ”
- Jimmy Fallon- Copy
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“ Researches at Yale found a connection between brain cancer and work environment. The No. 1 most dangerous job for developing brain cancer? Plutonium hat model. ”
- Jimmy Fallon- Copy
- 1.6K
“ I just really don't like being the center of attention that much. It's kind of ironic. ”
- Jimmy Fallon- Copy
- 3.1K
“ When I see professional clowns, mimes, or people who makes ballon animals, I think of their relatives and how disappointed they must be. ”
- Jimmy Fallon- Copy
- 1.3K
“ A Pennsylvania woman convicted for shoplifting was sentenced to wear a badge that reads Convicted Shoplifter. However, her lawyers hope to plea bargain down to a bumper sticker reading I'd Rather Be Stealing! ”
- Jimmy Fallon- Copy
- 3.8K
“ In Pakistan anti-American protesters set a Kentucky Fried chicken restaurant on fire. The protesters mistakenly thought they were attacking high-ranking U.S. military official Colonel Sanders. ”
- Jimmy Fallon- Copy
- 269
“ The Pentagon banned the army from using Chinese-made berets. In a more veiled slap at the Chinese, the Pentagon also banned any alternative form of checkers. ”
- Jimmy Fallon- Copy
- 2.7K
“ Arnold Schwarzenegger's publicist told USA Today that the actor has not ruled out running for governor of California, saying that he will make a decision soon. Reportedly Arnold needs that time to learn how to pronounce gubernatorial. ”
- Jimmy Fallon- Copy
- 3.4K
“ New Scientist magazine reported that in the future, cars could be powered by hazelnuts. That's encouraging, considering an eight-ounce jar of hazelnuts costs about nine dollars. Yeah, I've got an idea for a car that runs on bald eagle heads and Faberge eggs. ”
- Jimmy Fallon- Copy
- 711
“ The Pentagon banned the army from using Chinese-made berets. In a more veiled slap at the Chinese, the Pentagon also banned any alternative form of checkers. ”
- Jimmy Fallon- Copy
- 393
“ In New York, there are so many potholes, they're like craters on the moon. That's another traffic thing. ”
- Jimmy Fallon- Copy
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