“ I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake. ”
- Lewis Black- Copy
- 1.2K
“ You want to know what it’s like to be on a plane for 22 hours? Sit in a chair, squeeze your head as hard as you can, don’t stop, then take a paper bag and put it over your mouth and nose and breath your own air over and over and over. ”
- Lewis Black- Copy
- 740
“ Each of us is full of shit in our own special way. We are all shitty little snowflakes dancing in the universe. ”
- Lewis Black- Copy
- 2.3K
“ Who knew that the devil had a factory where he made millions of fossils, which his minions distributed throughout the earth, in order to confuse my tiny brain? ”
- Lewis Black- Copy
- 90
“ They're so broke that they've actually cut essential services. In many places, they've cut policemen, because, who the fuck needs them? Or firemen, son of a bitch, it's much more fun watching something burn down. ”
- Lewis Black- Copy
- 1.5K
“ Who knew that the devil had a factory where he made millions of fossils, which his minions distributed throughout the earth, in order to confuse my tiny brain? ”
- Lewis Black- Copy
- 2.3K
“ Jerry Falwell said that the reason that September 11th happened, the reason that God allowed it to happen, was because of certain people in our country. People like, and I'm quoting, 'the pagans,' which is a motorcycle group. Feminists; he brought up feminists. [...] And I couldn't believe it, he said that God had actually talked to him and said, these were the people. That was the reason. It was those people, and that was the reason God allowed this to happen. And I thought, 'That's odd.' Because God had called me twelve hours before, and He said the reason He was upset was because of people like Jerry Falwell. ”
- Lewis Black- Copy
- 840
“ That's the funny thing about religion: it doesn't matter what you say, you're going to upset someone. ”
- Lewis Black- Copy
- 2.3K
“ A republican stands up in congress and says 'I GOT A REALLY BAD IDEA!!' and the democrat stands up after him and says 'AND I CAN MAKE IT SHITTIER!!'. ”
- Lewis Black- Copy
- 1.9K
“ A republican stands up in congress and says 'I GOT A REALLY BAD IDEA!!' and the democrat stands up after him and says 'AND I CAN MAKE IT SHITTIER!!'. ”
- Lewis Black- Copy
- 2.6K
“ Republicans have nothing but bad ideas and Democrats have no ideas. ”
- Lewis Black- Copy
- 2.2K
“ Republicans have nothing but bad ideas and Democrats have no ideas. ”
- Lewis Black- Copy
- 3.8K
“ Republicans have nothing but bad ideas and Democrats have no ideas. ”
- Lewis Black- Copy
- 235
“ A republican stands up in congress and says 'I GOT A REALLY BAD IDEA!!' and the democrat stands up after him and says 'AND I CAN MAKE IT SHITTIER!!'. ”
- Lewis Black- Copy
- 448
“ There are two things I know about life… Only the good die young but the real jerks will live forever. ”
- Lewis Black- Copy
- 3.4K
“ There are two things I know about life… Only the good die young but the real jerks will live forever. ”
- Lewis Black- Copy
- 1.7K
“ I'm just so looking forward to seeing Dick Cheney because it's like the sighting of a rare white elk when he shows up. And I don't even think it's Dick Cheney anymore. We see him so rarely... that I think he may be my old shop teacher. ”
- Lewis Black- Copy
- 2.1K
“ Republicans have nothing but bad ideas and Democrats have no ideas. ”
- Lewis Black- Copy
- 1.2K
“ There are two things I know about life… Only the good die young but the real jerks will live forever. ”
- Lewis Black- Copy
- 2.3K
“ Republicans have nothing but bad ideas and Democrats have no ideas. ”
- Lewis Black- Copy
- 600
“ In my lifetime, we've gone from Eisenhower to George W. Bush. We've gone from John F. Kennedy to Al Gore. If this is evolution, I believe that in twelve years, we'll be voting for plants. ”
- Lewis Black- Copy
- 2.7K
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