“ I’m at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I’ve just had a mirror put over my kitchen table. ”
- Rodney Dangerfield- Copy
- 3.8K
“ I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest. ”
- Rodney Dangerfield- Copy
- 3.2K
“ My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too. ”
- Rodney Dangerfield- Copy
- 1K
“ The only normal people are the one’s you don’t know very well. ”
- Rodney Dangerfield- Copy
- 4K
“ I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out. ”
- Rodney Dangerfield- Copy
- 267
“ What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife. ”
- Rodney Dangerfield- Copy
- 1.5K
“ When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them. ”
- Rodney Dangerfield- Copy
- 596
“ I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people. ”
- Rodney Dangerfield- Copy
- 2.9K
“ What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife. ”
- Rodney Dangerfield- Copy
- 219
“ I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn’t a professional, the knife had butter on it. ”
- Rodney Dangerfield- Copy
- 808
“ When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them. ”
- Rodney Dangerfield- Copy
- 3.4K
“ What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife. ”
- Rodney Dangerfield- Copy
- 3K
“ I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn’t a professional, the knife had butter on it. ”
- Rodney Dangerfield- Copy
- 1.8K
“ When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them. ”
- Rodney Dangerfield- Copy
- 1.9K
“ What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife. ”
- Rodney Dangerfield- Copy
- 487
“ One woman I was dating called and said, ‘Come on over, there’s nobody home.’ I went over. Nobody was home. ”
- Rodney Dangerfield- Copy
- 3.7K
“ My wife and I were happy for 20 years – then we met. ”
- Rodney Dangerfield- Copy
- 3.4K
“ I’m at the age when food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I’ve just had a mirror put over my kitchen table. ”
- Rodney Dangerfield- Copy
- 3.4K
“ I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof. ”
- Rodney Dangerfield- Copy
- 3.3K
“ When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them. ”
- Rodney Dangerfield- Copy
- 2.3K
“ I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender. ”
- Rodney Dangerfield- Copy
- 1.8K
“ I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio. ”
- Rodney Dangerfield- Copy
- 378
“ My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home. ”
- Rodney Dangerfield- Copy
- 2.7K
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