“ When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them. ”
- Rodney Dangerfield- Copy
- 596
“ Rice is great when you’re hungry and you want 2000 of something. ”
- Mitch Hedberg- Copy
- 1.9K
“ I have always wanted to be somebody, but I see now I should have been more specific. ”
- Lily Tomlin- Copy
- 1.7K
“ Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile. ”
- Billy Sunday- Copy
- 3.7K
“ I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it. ”
- Mark Twain- Copy
- 1.4K
“ That’s why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it. ”
- George Carlin- Copy
- 587
“ A pessimist is a man who thinks everybody is as nasty as himself, and hates them for it. ”
- George Bernard Shaw- Copy
- 2.4K
“ I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. ”
- Fred Allen- Copy
- 1.2K
“ If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments. ”
- Steven Wright- Copy
- 3.7K
“ The four most beautiful words in our common language: I told you so. ”
- Gore Vidal- Copy
- 2.2K
“ The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits. ”
- Albert Einstein- Copy
- 1.3K
“ The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like, and do what you’d rather not. ”
- Mark Twain- Copy
- 1.1K
“ I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it’s like a circus in my head. ”
- Steven Wright- Copy
- 2.5K
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